Parents of Defiant Children

Defiant children feel a need to be in charge. The constant power struggle with you can make life difficult. Keep in mind that defiant children are as likely to be under stress as sensitive children. They use defiance and bossiness to make themselves feel more secure. They will seperate themselves from you. You need to be clear with them that you love them in spite of their defiant behavior.

 

>> Click Here To Learn Highly Effective Techniques For Handling Defiant Children

Characteristics of Defiant Children

• Prone to anger
• Acts resentful
• Spiteful towards others
• Easily loses temper
• Vindictive
• Always starting arguments
• Defies following rules
• Annoys people on purpose
• Easily annoyed by others
• Blames other for their mistakes

Defiant Children at School

You may come to a point where you are being contacted by a teacher about the behavior of your child at school or that their grades have dropped sharply from good grades to bad grades. It’s important not to punish defiant children for their behavior at school. That should be handled by faculty at the school unless the child is causing damage to property or physically hurting people. Otherwise they will be getting punished twice.

One Thing To Avoid

Don’t take away privileges and items that they love. Instead, expect good behavior for a set amount of time before they are allowed to enjoy their privilages and items. It’s a subtle but powerful difference. Instead of taking their video game away for two days, during which time they can act however they want, they need to have two days without incident in order to earn their game. If they have an incident, the timer starts over. Instead of “doing time” they will be actively choosing their behavior.

How To Help Defiant Children

• Be clear about your goals and expectations.
• Teach them how to solve problems instead of just telling them what to do.
• Make it a point to let them know when you are proud of them.
• Mean what you say. Don’t just make threats.

Tell Defiant Children What You Want

Instead of telling defiant children what you don’t want or to stop what they’re doing, tell them what you DO want from them. “Don’t yell at your sister,” becomes, “please speak nicely to your sister.” “Don’t leave your dirty clothes on the bathroom floor,” becomes, “Please put your dirty clothes in the hamper.” Make sure you let them know that you are proud of them when they comply. Keep in mind that it is perfectly acceptable to use the words please and thank you when speaking to your children and it is just as acceptable to expect them to use those words as well.

Catch Your Child Being Good

The most difficult task ahead of you is that you have to make a point of looking for good behavior. When defiant children are doing something right praise them for doing it. Tell them, “I appreciate that you…thank you,” or “You did…great. Way to go!” They need to know that they are making good choices and that you notice. You should be praising them more than criticizing them, which means if they’re in trouble a lot you have your work cut out for you.

 

Don’t Be Afraid to Ask For Help

Sometimes dealing with defiant children feels like it’s more than you can handle. It’s not, but it sure can feel like it. Your perspective and your state of mind are important when dealing with defiant children. They need you to be in control and if you believe you can’t handle it, you can’t. There is nothing wrong with asking for help from someone experienced with helping children and their parents. If you feel you need more in depth help then you should certainly seek it out.

 

>> Click Here To Learn Highly Effective Techniques For Handling Defiant Children